November 7, 2008

And I can't stop from dreaming there's something else

I am in love with you
And it is no fun

Wake me up, don't wake me up..
An endless circle of not knowing what I want
It's been a while and it might be longer still
Did all the pieces fit together from the start
The heat of the moment, the burn of the sun
That didn't shine, but from the bottom of your heart
Will I stop to sit down, what am I thinking?
Float through an image of another world, perhaps?
Common sense has left my heart in search for more
Leaving my safety shattered on the floor
The broken lock still hanging in the open door
Have you been on my mind... before?

And I called your name
Like an addicted to cocaine
Calls for the stuff he'd rather blame..

Break me down, don't break me down
A familiar dance of finding the center of my heart
I listen to your words and the longing in your eyes
And wonder if there's anything, or anywhere I'd rather be?
The wake of my dreaming, in the palm of your hand
That touches my cheek, when the time is suspended
When will I stop to look back, where are we going?
Stuck in a moment and never knowing why?
Your thoughts flow like images through my mind
Yes, the dream tastes sweeter than the memory
We touched a world that no one else could see
Have I been on your mind... before?

Hold my gaze
Hold me inside you

I admit that these thoughts are frightening me
And how that line's so dangerously close
I try to still my heart and look the other way
But I can feel, smell, taste
Everything, if only in my mind
And I can see it all reflected
When I look into your eyes
Even the things I don't permit myself to crave
Oh, if only we could just have that other place in time
Step into that world inside our mind

Let's sleep together..
Right now
Relieve the pressure..
Somehow

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October 18, 2008

Do I look beautiful in the half light?

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

I sit here with my heart in my hands and wonder
Is there a word to express how I now feel?
I fear the thoughts, they slowly pull me under
And I am drowning in a world that's in between
Tears burn behind my eyes, but I am laughing
Because so far all my life has been a joke
And if it all is real, why am I dreaming?
If it's a dream, why can't I fall asleep?

It doesn't make sense
It doesn't make any sense at all

I am in love, but it doesn't feel like heaven
I have friends, but I cannot hear their voice
There are wounds, but I don't know where I got them
There is blood, although I never touched a knife
I feel no pain and even if my soul is screaming
I feel the same, because I can't regain control
All the world seems to pass me in slowmotion
Speeding up until the colors make me blind

Maybe it's time to stop swimming
Maybe it's time to find out where I'm at
What I should do and where I should be
But no-one will give me a map

If the chances are one in a million
Is there still a chance that chance doesn't exist?
And if I'm part of a bigger picture
Can someone please read me the script?
Somehow I've lost my direction
Don't feel offended if I'm looking your way
Maybe I just need a moment of protection
I was only wondering if you'd let me stay

I'm not making sense
I'm not making any sense at all

There was a point, but I've lost my excuses
I am afraid, and I've no place to go
So all I can do, is stare at something in you
And hope that this time, it won't leave me alone
Then someone touches my hand for a moment
It makes me wonder if I just made you up
But you meet my eyes, I see you smile
Over the rim of my coffeecup

I will go now
But I will be with you
Hold my gaze
Hold me inside you

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October 16, 2008

Hear me out before I lose my mind

We all fall down
Once in a while

Feel the thoughts flow past me
I don't think I can center myself in me
Try to grasp the truth with frozen hands
Nothing in the world is screaming my name
But who could be blamed?

Cut my cheek with a little kiss
Lost in the skin beneath my fingertips
I'm drowning on the air I breathe
Nothing in this life is worth living for
Will I hit the floor..

.. before I die?

And I,
And I...
And I am lost..

And yes, it's cold
So much colder than I thought it would be
I hear the wind
It's blowing through me
Making me aware of the dawning winter
It's coming home again - It's here
Swiftly taking away the things I hold dear
My life, my love, my home..
And I am gone

And yes, I long
I desperately long for arms to hold me
Be close to my bleeding heart
I need peace
A temporary state of mind that I can't find
So let me drown in the illusion
Of warmth - A perfect way to ease the pain
No life, no love, no home
I'll be gone

Something broke inside my stomach
I let the pieces lie just where they fell

And slowly my voice flows with my thoughts
I hear me say the things I never wanted you to know
But I'll tell you anyway
You're the only one who tried to listen
Maybe I just wanted to let it all go
No, I've never met you before, but I love you just the same
So be my lover for tonight, I'll confide my fears
I'll cry those hidden tears

And I feel the little kiss that cut my cheek
In the haze of this extacy I try to lose my mind
I try to close my eyes
You're all the prey I ever needed for one night
Maybe I just wanted to rip you apart
Yes, I desire to devour you whole, and have you inside me
So come closer than you were before, I'll undress my love
I'll let go of my heart

I'll stop

I'm perfectly fine but
I just need to lie down

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September 23, 2008

It's one of the blunders of the world that no-one cares .. No-one cares enough

They are not gone, they are not gone,
They are only sleeping..
In graves, in ways, in clay,
Underneath the floor..

And when they left their home today
Was there a sign that maybe they should stay?
Did the voice of disaster speak through cracks in the floor
Calling after distancing footsteps, only to be ignored?
And did you wonder what was going through their minds?
What did you see when you looked into their eyes?
Did anybody finally ask you what's going on with you?
What have you been going through?
Were they finally sorry
That they had never listened to you?
And what about you?

Did you imagine the final sound as a gun?

What of all the lives you took?
What of the ones you never even knew?
Did they deserve to die?
And what of those who are left behind?
The ones who will never be able to erase you from their mind?
Was your hunger to be seen worth so many lives?
Did you ever reconsider?
Was there ever thinking twice?
Whatever finally pulled the trigger?
Could anything in any way have changed your mind?

I want to help you but you never ask
And I want you to
And I told you forever that
Why won't you tell me why you never laugh?
...I would've stopped just to save you

How many others will have to scream
Before we admit our own hypocrisy?
We search his past and place the blame
Refusing to see how we should change
Demanding repentance from the wrong direction
Instead of stepping up to face our reflection
Look at the flaws of our society
See that this is what it'll lead to, ultimately
It's just a matter of consequence
A simple reaction to our own pretence
But I hear how we lie..
And I watch how we close our eyes

And I have tried and I have died
Trying to get through
But in the end I can't defend you

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September 9, 2008

I wish I didn't know now what I never knew then

The more I show the way I feel
The less I find you give a damn

Everyone's a master at pretending they care
But when the day is done
I know I've always been alone
You will leave me, yes, I know
And the only thing I wanted
Was a little bit of love
But the shoulder was only in my head
Imagined, it was never really there
What did they leave for me?

I was pretending to be floating strong
But I was sinking
Into still water

And it runs deep in me
It's still drowning me
But it's leaving me alive
The water runs dry
But no one gives a shit that I'm dying
So why the fuck won't you let me
I've seen the end and it took my hand
But my feet are nailed to the ground
Waiting, waiting
For a way to find myself

Let me break!
Let me bleed!
Let me tear myself apart I need to breathe!

If you come near me I'll kill
Because I am all that I have left now
And I'll tear myself apart to find I'm already gone
Just the pain that prevents me from crying
The anger that stopped me from dying
I don't think anyone came close to who I am
I was born to a world that'll never love me
I wish I'd never turned to see
My work here was done before I begun

Now let me die
Let me die...
Let me out
Let me fade into that pitch-black velvet night

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August 17, 2008

Life will never be the same.. I have a better view since I found God

Silly me who always thought
Life was for the living
And giving in to lust
Was all to give and to be given

You keep your head high
You keep your eyes dry
By destroying the evidence
You pretend to erase the past from your mind
Erase it all from your life
Now that you've left it all behind
You really think God doesn't know you fucked me
As long as you pretend I don't exist
You really think it's wrong to even know me
Somehow you think love is life's biggest sin

All that you left behind
Lingers inside your mind
All that you can't let go
Shows you the way back home

I guess I thought we would still be friends
Well, now I guess I got the message wrong
You turned your back without a word
And ran away without an explanation
Expecting us to sever all the ties
To a past you rather not recall
I'm not sorry to say that I'm still here
Don't think I don't I remember
You can replace the thoughts you've had
But you can't make me disappear
You can't silence my whispering
Although you still pretend that you can't hear

I'm not the same as you
'Cause I've seen the light
And I'm gaining in height now
I got a halo round me, I got a halo around me
I got a halo around my head

Oh, you're so much higher than me now
Oh, so much wiser than me
And no, you won't need me anymore now
No, no need to know what you once loved
It's gone, it's gone, there's nothing left now
God purified you and made you a better man
All you need was Jesus as your destiny
Yes, he matters more than anything he said
Tear out and burn the pages of your diary
Now you can start all over again
Forget the love and be a better man

And I can laugh about it now
But I hated every minute
I was waiting for your email
But you did not respond
OK..
OK, OK
You've won

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July 1, 2008

I can see the ways we fail

The balance is off, some take more than give back
The attitude, ignorance, proved to be fatal..

And I'm tired of the meaningless conversations
We talk about nothing, because we cannot agree
On the things that actually matter
I watch you claim a side that's mine
Devouring it, until there's nothing left
But a shadow of the truth I thought I held
And so I turn my face away, again
No, I cannot talk to you, again
The will to make you see has left me
Close your eyes and drown in your sea
Of desire and longing and never being alone
A sea without me

Please leave
I think I'll close my eyes now
The first sunshine was mine

Forever mine
And I hold the glow still in my dying heart
The echo of what you always desired
It fades, it was fading from the start
Now all you'll ever see
Is the sun that sets behind the trees
Twilight creeping up to fill your view
Until you realise, you were never me
A replica, perfect copy in oh so many ways
Your strive for perfection was your worst mistake
Because it shattered my belief in you
And I used to believe

I believed in you
And I loved you...
I still love you
I still believe in you

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June 30, 2008

I teach myself how to stay calm

And water can't cover her memories..
And ashes can't answer her pain..

Someone whispers in my mind..
"No, you're dying.. No, you're lying..
No, there's no truth in the heart that you hold.."
The fear flows freely through my veins
From restless dreams I try to wake
An ungoing nightmare of being torn between two worlds
I follow myself down to the lake
The water soothes my mind as it did so many times before
But it can't erase the pain

I don't feel safe, further away,
Can't disappear without getting my last embrace..

Please don't ask me why I'm here; I have no answers
And I couldn't tell you anyway
Just see me
For a moment hold me near your heart
Because you're the rock on which he built his trust
And I need to know he's safe
I whisper his name in your ear, still dreaming
Confusion marked your face as you looked into my eyes
See, the wolf that resides in me is hiding
Too afraid to bite the hand that feeds
Now, I ask you to free this breaking mind I'm holding
Howl with me

I will witness your leaving
With tears in my eyes

You will take my heart with you
Up and away to the cold winterlands
And as the sun paints my scenery, cold and bare
I will long for your warmth in my arms
A breath to remember the past, present and future
Another to fade into the dark
Yes, I am crying, I am calling out to you..
In silence
Because he is with you.. So I do
I do need you

Farewell, my passion, you slowly turn pale
I will long for you warmth, made me feel safe

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May 19, 2008

The consequence is hanging there.. The sky will fall but I don't care

My song can but borrow your grace

And his happiness no longer seemed
Like a burden on my shoulders
For some reason, I was glad to see him
And just glad to be his friend
His eyes were shining and I could love
Love without question, without regret
I could look upon him without pain
Just because I had looked upon you
And you were beautiful

You're in my stars you know
Don't need no crystal ball to tell me so

I remember your eyes, your smile
And how you heal my heart with a touch
How my breath stops at your sight
How I tremble when I think of you
And how I desire...
To feel your sigh on my neck
To listen to your heartbeat, with my head on your chest
How I long to simply be together for a while
Yes, well do I remember your eyes and your smile

Do I need you?
Yes and no
Do I want you?
Maybe so..

And I'm watching and waiting..
Silently anticipating
Enjoying the desire bleeding in my veins
The endless images flowing through my brains
Coming closer to me .. Ever closer to me
So close that I can hardly breathe
And I don't dare say a word
For it might break the spell I'm under
And suddenly I realize
I am in love

I wouldn't stop you if you wanted to stay

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April 15, 2008

A nightingale in a golden cage

And my ashes fade among the things unseen
And a dream plays in reverse on piano keys

And a form of relief comes over me
As the taste of my grief is choking me
Maybe it's best for you and me
That I remain a memory
Like a whisper left unsaid
I float beneath the surface of my consciousness
No need to sleep
This is just a deeper dream
I wait for my last breath to come
I wait for death to take me home
And then I hear you scream....

I heard you call out my name
Like a bird in a cage
Spreading its wings to fly..

And I couldn't close my eyes
And I couldn't die
And I cried
As your hand faded in mine
Like a forbidden fairytale
I wasn't sleeping
But still the waking seems so bleak
I tried to forget your name
I tried to stop dreaming
And still I seek to be complete
And still I'm looking for.... me

I guess you're no longer the only one that needs to be saved
I guess we're both locked inside reality's maze..

Will we find eachother in the dark?

And as my tears bleed into the night
I hear the tunes of a distant lullaby
They fall upon our forgotten past
Now will I be able to sleep again?

It all starts with a lullaby..

Now will I be able to dream again?

It all starts with a lullaby..

Now will I find you......
at my side?
...I still cry

It all starts with a lullaby

I still cry over me

It all starts with a lullaby

I still....
awaken in a world that sleeps

And a dream plays in reverse on piano keys...

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April 8, 2008

Shall we dance, my friend?

I can see how you are beautiful
Can you feel my eyes on you?

And I took him in with hungry eyes
I wondered at the million smiles
It seemed to me I crossed the border
Of a foreign land, I had not seen before
And its beauty frightened me...
And its closeness hurt me..
But how I craved for more
Yes, how I ached for one last chance
One more moment
One last dance

Oh, I love you, maybe
And I hope it goes away..

For what is to become of me
If these feelings should linger?
Whatever does it mean to me?
I doubt my own sincerity
You were close, but was I close enough? I wonder
I held you in my eyes, but you were never mine
Now that I'm alone again, I hunger
For that kiss you gave me in suspended time
And I love..
I love..
Oh, how I love you..

I have a tale to be told, won't you listen tonight?
Follow me into the core of the fountain of light..

Let me hear you
Let me see you
For you are beautiful .. And it's tearing me apart
That I will leave this night without you
So let me touch you
Let me hold you
Just for one last second
Let me whisper to your heart.. Remember me
For I will hold you in my eyes until the end of days
And I will love
I will love
Oh, how I will love you till I fade away

And if sometimes it seems I must have lost my mind
I might be crazy
But I'm crazy about you

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March 24, 2008

We talk but we do not speak

See me - Hear me - Need me
Some things will never change..

I can still hear you whisper in a crowded room
It's in your eyes..
Screaming in my mind

Touch me - Heal me

But as I reach out my hand
You step aside from the touch and face away
Still so self-satisfied...
A stream of thought spills from your lips
You thrust a knife of words between my ribs
Do you think that words can hide you?
Do you think I don't recall the truth?

I settle for rash
rather than risk going slow...
I'm left somewhat broken
but I won't let it show...

You broke the mirror
My shards reflect your every painful memory
So when you'll see my face
Would you even dare to meet my eyes again?
To see in me what you've become
To feel what you have done
I know the shame that'll show upon your face
I'll see through the pretty words you paint
You try so hard not to think
'Cause you know I'll read your every thought..
Why are you afraid
If you say there's naught you hide from me?

For all your life I prayed for time
To show you where the light lies
Now this is the end

I'll watch the shadows rise and fall on your face
I know that my paradise
Once lay hidden in your eyes
But these minutes take away the pain
A thin layer of memories remains
You lied a thousand times, a thousand ways
To yourself more than to me
And the truth is still the same
These lies won't set you free
We're still caught in a dance
Nothing short of eternity
What makes you think that this time
You'll get away from me?

Somewhere deep within
There is nothing left but trouble
And the longing for the sweetness of revenge

When we meet again, beware your words
For I no longer crave for the encore
Don't mistake me for the person you first met
I've seen enough to no longer be the precious girl
That you once held in your hand
I sought to learn
You taught me well
I can crush your wings with a single breath
I'll make sure you won't forget
Ever will your skin burn with the memories
And ever will you yearn
For what you never got from me

I will stain your affection
I will wear out your heart
You'll follow where I go..

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March 24, 2008

Time will show... The last word is for me

I watch time delimiting
But I don't see the answers
I know gain's diminishing
But I'm wasting my chances

And I feel you slip even further away from me
The seconds in my hands forgot to multiply
To offer me a chance to change the course
It's all taking too much time
So tell me what to say
Tell me what to do
Because I'm sick of losing everything
I'm sick of losing you

When I need you by my side you stand above me
And when I look into your eyes you turn away
Well if that's the best there is then I won't buy it
Well if that's the only game then I won't play

And gracefully I take a step to the other side
I held you in my hands without saying goodbye
You're leaving me caught in a shattered mind
It is breaking down my pride
So I'll tell you where to go
Tell you what to do
Because I'm sick of losing every time
And I know that I've lost you

Too far one way takes you the other way

Losing me is quite a loss
And I will show you
My life is even sweeter than revenge
'Cause I will kiss the lips of those above you
And I will melt the heart of those you....
Would never have thought to find at my side
Just you wait, my darling
Just you wait...

It all catches up on you when you slow down

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February 5, 2008

All my feelings.. They are with you

My beloved, do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there..

My beloved, do you know
How much I've missed you in these past years
Waiting for the day we'd meet again
And did you feel your hand in mine
As that moment finally arrived
Hope now lights the days that pass me by

My beloved, do you recall
How our tears of happiness kissed our cheeks
Mingling with the sunrays in our eyes
And the sound of the wind in the trees
As we stood beneath them
An eternity passed in our embrace

I swear you won't be lonely anymore..

My beloved, do you feel
How time stands still and freezes the air in silence
Saving us another breath to take
And another look into eachother's eyes
As this world watches our worlds collide
Once more, our souls thought as one

My beloved..
No distance lies between us in this waking dream
My beloved..
Time doesn't exist between you and me
My beloved..
My wolf that howls beneath the silver moonlight
My beloved..
Your lines of life entertwined with mine
My beloved..
By this name I shall call you ever more
My beloved..
It's as they say...
The wave will always meet the shore

In the end
I will always love you...

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January 28, 2008

But in the deafness of my world... the Silence broke..

Follow me down to the valley below
You know..
Moonlight is bleeding from out of your soul

I remember the way you smiled
I recall how I drowned in your eyes
Again
My head above the water
My thoughts beneath the waves
I was holding my breath
Again
Waiting
Just waiting
And though I knew I died
I had never felt so alive
Again

Did you ever hear what I told you?
Did you ever read what I wrote you?

I would try to find the words
To tell you about my world
But you couldn't hear me
And so I closed my eyes
Stayed inside my mind
Whatever you told me
I couldn't find the will to care
I had a world I would share
Never more
Slowly I start to see
It's all better off inside me
So I close my eyes

I got no-one to confide in
And what worse is
I'm beginning to accept this

Still thoughts swirl beneath the waves
A faint smile dresses my face
Each time I caught an eye
Somehow I felt free inside
I know now you can't share this life
Somehow my hands are no longer tied
This taste of freedom
Of strength and feeling fine
It's who I am inside

Don't cry
I ain't changing my mind

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January 14, 2008

So there I stood.. In a corridor of pain

I'm leaving now...
My fear has caught up with me

Whatever I think, whatever I say
You're already gone, not even looking my way
And why should I care? Why should I stay?
It's best if I just leave my life today
I don't feel like waiting around for it to change
Because after all, it doesn't matter anyway

I believe in you
You believe in me
But I have no trust
In anything

You're so fond of playing hide and seek
I've counted for life, but won't come and see
Don't you just sit around waiting for me
I'm too tired for games, I just fell asleep
Hiding myself in a world made of dreams
When will you wake me to reality?

It's so quiet I can hear
My thoughts touching every second
That I spent waiting for you

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January 14, 2008

I live to function .. on my own is all I know

Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well
Sometimes I just feel like screaming at myself

I don't mind
Let him be part of your life
I don't mind
Just keep him out of mine
You say I misjudge your trust
When in fact it's you I trusted
And it's my trust you betrayed
Oh, I don't care for reasons
Maybe there's a million miles that I cannot see
There's a million miles on a path called "Best for me"
And believe
I've seen for you those million miles
I've seen the path you need
But at least my conscience's clear
Your secret's safe with me

Truth is the bed of this ocean of lies

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January 8, 2008

Down where I am there’s no bitter end at all

I'm breaking inside
My head cries out for stillness
But I just can't find the time

I drown in the depths of the oceans inside
Losing my way in the maze of my mind
The unbearable pain and tears I can't cry
Helplessly screaming, but I'm still alive
Dawn comes to remind me every day
Truth didn't kill me
I'm surviving anyway
It hurts, but they say that with time
The edge of every pain will fade
While each moment I close my eyes
I can see the tears that cut his face
I see how he drowns himself to numb his mind
"Just another glass of wine..."
Tell me
How would that fade with time?

Now let me die
Let me die...

But I'm alive
And now you came to remind me once again
You ask for my trust but I have none
Don't look so surprised
I don't trust anyone
In particular I don't trust a guy
I'm terribly sorry
From my view they all lie
I can't watch him and his actions
And think it's all fine
He didn't want to rush into anything
He doesn't want to hurt you
Yet he nailed you, why?
I know I'm not being friendly
But to me it's just senseless

Why can't I close my eyes?
Why can't I just be hypnotized?

No, I don't need your pity
And don't you dare feel guilty
Because I'm depressed and angry
Here's the story
You can keep on dreaming
And stay on cloud number nine
Even though I don't get it
Sure, hold my hand
That's just fine
But stop trying to reach me
With words that waste time
I cannot hear you
Even if I would try
And you can never save me
From being this century child
And it doesn't matter
I've learned how to smile
I'll just keep breathing
I'll find my way home
Sure, hold my hand
But until I'm back
I'll still be alone

Down where I am
That's where darkness holds
And silence is your only friend

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January 8, 2008

Find a way to understand .. You hold your fate in your own hand

Dreamweaver...
Break your chains and make your move
Or you might just see a dreamweaver's fall

You chose to give away your choices
Placed them in his caring hand
No, I don't think I understand
But I guess that's just me
It's just that I can't comprehend
You chose to make your happiness depend
On whenever it suits him best
Once more...
But who am I to place that blame?
It looks like I did just the same....
Yet I see, there is a difference

We're all walking in tomorrows
We may never experience
Live your life each day

If life's within my reach, I take my chances
I don't wait for tomorrow as my guide
And I have felt it break my heart
Yet I willingly let life tear me apart
You say
You're not afraid to fall
But you can't see you're not flying
You're just waiting for him to light the night
Every hour you plan your future
But the future is on hold
Because he's holding your fate
And you say that you can wait
You are not afraid
To live in a future that you won't create

I'm not like you
My life flashes before my eyes
No, I am not like you
The truth turns me upside down

So I should just smile
And say "You're right."
Maybe you are, I can't tell
I just know I cannot leave my side
No matter if you believe I'm blind
Fortunately
I'm not the one who lives your life
And I can't tell you wrong from right
Maybe I was stupid to even try
Maybe it was all a waste of time

We know although we try
To justify the means
The truth behind the end remains unseen

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