Poetry 2008
Daddy
Will there come a day you will remember
I guess it'll be long after you've closed your eyes
Is there ever a moment the past haunts your present
As I'm sure you know it does mine
And there was a time I was afraid of you
Remember the days I barricaded my bedroom door
Do you regret that time when I was only nine
That you feared me so, you made me fear you more
Daddy, it's okay
You didn't know any better
Maybe you went astray
But you could always place the blame
For failing to love like you should
Daddy, what did you do?
Do you still look upon me as though I'm helpless
Do you still think I'm a failure to all the world
Do you acknowledge my achievements
Would you be able to be proud of your little girl
I will try to win your praise before you fade away
I will stay to wipe the tears from your pale face
I will try to think of all the better days
And forget all the things I can't remember anyway
Daddy, it's okay
If you'd but tell me the truth
Now that you fade away
And all the memories will die with you
What will it take for me to forgive
Daddy, if you would live
Never thought I'd see the day I'd pray for you
Always thought I would welcome the day you died
But despite the pain you dealt and my guiltstained heart
You still remain my father when I look beyond the lies
Maybe "Sorry" isn't what I want to hear from you
Daddy, it's okay
Daddy, it's alright
If only you'd stop crying
Daddy, it's okay
Daddy, it's alright
If only you'd stop dying
Red water
Tears
So many tears on the pillow
Tears of a lifetime of fear and pain
Falling between all the things you didn't know
Do you remember the rain?
And when it all began?
No one ever sees you through
Gone inside a memory
Do you remember me?
Still helplessly comforting you
Stains
On your hands, your life, your heart
Stains of the world that burned you out
Like extinguishing a candle in the dark
Do you want to get out?
And do you know how?
"I feel so lost..."
Sit still inside your world that it might pass
Maybe you'll wake up before it lasts .. forever
... But it lasts forever
Do you remember?
Cut veins
Red water on the floor
A perfect way to close the door
It rains
Red water in your mind
A blinding way to close your eyes
Slit your wrist that it might erase the past
Maybe you will drown before it lasts .. forever
... But it lasts forever
Do you remember?
Cut veins
Red water to wash away the sadness
Red water to drown all the loneliness
Red water to become what you will never be
Red water to take away the memory
Red water to end forever
It rains
And there you are...
Amidst the remnants of a life once cherished
A crimson world slowly fading in your eyes
But still unable to die
And there I was...
Amidst days of innocence that perished
A crimson world that will always ask me why
.....and when I found you there, on the bathroom floor
Tear streaks on your face
A crimson world around you
I found, your body won't allow you to faint
You stay awake
Tasting the blood in the back of your throat
Unable to swallow it down
Until you wash the stains away
And life catches up on you
But now I know
The red water remains
Until you wash yourself away
Hold
Nervosity..
I watch how the words fall out of my mouth
Desperately trying to deny
The emptiness that paints your eyes
Confusion..
I felt the seconds slip away from me
Clinging to moments that weren't mine
Still searching for you in the ocean of your eyes
Still hoping to see a glimpse of your light
Until life snatched you away from me again
And I couldn't even cry
I hold myself..
Loneliness..
I see the way your hands create the melody
Leaving it there, for all to see
The poison that licks each passing note
Anxiety
I feel you drown in the tears you can't cry
Replacing each tear with a smile
Afraid that there's no redemption from this life
Afraid of the words that bind you inside
Until the day that you will walk away again
You cannot even die
I hold myself..
I'm screaming at you
But my voice is drowned by a roar of the crowd
Was it ever loud enough for you to hear?
I'm looking at you
I can't remember the last time I saw your face
When did you leave yourself?
I'm missing you
I hold myself
Hoping I won't fall apart
I hold myself
For tears can't save me from the unbearable pain in my heart
I hold myself
'Cause it's as close as I can get to holding you
So I sit still and I hold myself real tight
For what I feared to lose is already lost
Now I'm wasting myself on memories
Waiting for them to come back to life
Whispers of love die away in screams of worship
Your shell answers the screams
Denies the whispers
You cannot bear to feel
While all of life kisses your heels
Yet does not know your name
There's nothing left to say
The world lies dreaming at your feet
Stealing your life away
While I sit still and hold myself
I cry
As if you died today